The more people I meet who are curious about the inner workings of a Domestic Discipline relationship (usually online friends in forums etc.), the more questions I end up getting asked. I must say that DD has become so normal for me I hadn’t realized how different it is from a typical modern marriage. I recently came across one person who had some very good questions in spades and so in the spirit of information sharing, I’ve compiled a list of common questions I’m asked and answered them the very best I can.
What rules do you have to follow and how are punishments handed out?
I have rules that dictate the housework I am required to get done, what I wear, and things I must remember to do (like remembering to turn the oven off), and the money I am allowed or not allowed to spend, and he punishes me according to the offense. For example I got $130 dollar speeding ticket, and I got 13 smacks with a crop (one smack for every $10).
How does he spank you with all those kids?
We have an area of our home that is off limits to the children and childproofed, but we also have a two way baby monitor and a security camera so that we can monitor them even when we are not in the room.
What if the husband messes up? Does he get spanked too?
No, it is his job to be accountable to himself and to God. Biblically a woman is required to submit to her husband, therefor I have no authority over him. This works because his a respectable man without ego or pride issues, and is willing to be accountable and take responsibility for his own actions. If he was not, this lifestyle would be to my detriment.
Does he always spank bare bottom?
Yes, he does that for the skin to skin contact which increases bonding and intimacy.
How did you come to have this in your relationship?
Well it’s funny, when we got together HH said that he had developed a fetish….. he liked to spank. My response was “You like to WHAT?!” but I was open, and it started as sort of something we both enjoyed, just the spanking. I felt loved and he enjoyed it. It brought us closer. Then I mouthed off one day and made a joke about what a crappy wife I am, and he bent me over his knee and spanked my butt. Needless to say I never mouthed off like that again, but more than that I enjoyed his authority over me and wanted more. I began asking permission for everything, and even asking to be spanked when I felt I’d done something wrong. Then by happenstance I was doing some research for a psych class for college and discovered domestic discipline, then christian domestic discipline and I lost my mind with excitement. I could wait for my HH to come home so I could show him what I’d found. I presented him with the information I’d collected and asked if we could sign a contract with rules and guidelines. He was concerned that I’d get a bad punishment and leave him (10 years ago I would have), but I talked him into it and it only got better from that point on!
Do you ever tell him you disagree and don’t think things are fair about his decisions? How does he handle that?
We rarely disagree on anything. But sometimes I do point out an aspect of something that I think he is missing, and he always considers it. There was one time when I did out right disagree. Flat out… I was pissed. But I’m respectful enough not to yell and pick I fight. I said “I’m mad right now and I need to go calm down” and left the room. He gave me a minute and then followed me, put his arm around me and MADE me tell him why I was mad. So I just sort of blurted out how angry I was over the decision he had mad, and why. He held me close on his lap, kissed my forehead and told me he understood, but that he isn’t going to change his mind and why he felt his decision was right. I cried in his arms for a long time, and when I was done he gave me a few good swats on the butt as role affirmation, and then we sat and snuggled on the couch together. That’s how he usually handles it when I become emotional.
Were you spanked as a kid and teenager?
No, as a matter of fact I had almost no disciple or structure as a child. I was a spoiled rotten brat.
What is it about CDD that attracts you the most to it? Is it that it draws you closer to him, to the Lord, or what. What is it about this that draws you to it?
I think it’s that I feel completely safe. That I can submit completely to my HH and know that I am safe and loved. The giving up of all control to another person is a relief. I can look to him to should the burden of life and decision making, and go about my existence simply loving my family without many of the burdens that normally accompany modern motherhood and being a wife and college student. I can just be me.
Is it normal for a punishment spanking to turn sexual?
For us, yes. But it’s not that way for everyone.
Besides the spanking, does he give you corner time, loss of privileges, and stuff like that?
Loss of privileges sometimes and he’s never given me corner time but I’m sure he would if he thought it was necessary. But his go-to punishment is a paddling because he likes to spank and believes it is the best punishment to bring us closer together, where corner time etc. might not be as good a bonding experience. He does however with-hold good girl spankings if I’m being a brat to try to get him to spank me. I’ll smart off to him, and he’ll say, “don’t get smart with me, or you won’t get your beating at all today.”
Do you feel sometimes that he is way wrong on something and you are afraid to protest knowing you will get a spanking for it?
He doesn’t just respect my opinions… he demands them. I get a good paddling if he finds out I’m holding something back. He wants to know every thought, feeling and opinion. If something is off with me he spots it right away and makes me tell him. I get a good paddling if he finds out I’m holding something back. He wants to know every thought, feeling and opinion. If something is off with me he spots it right away and makes me tell him.
I hope that this little snippet helps spread awareness the Domestic Discipline is a loving and close relationship when done as it is intended. It’s not for everyone, but it isn’t abuse either.