When bad days get worse.

The past two days have been hard, and today isn’t any better. The pain  is at it’s peak and of course, it’s during a time when I can’t afford to stop and rest. All six kids on the weekends means that I have to be on my game Friday through Sunday.Plus my school work is due Thursday and exams due Sunday.

On top of that, this Saturday was when my Hoh has six of his friends over for a day of D&D playing in the basement. I do enjoy having his friends over. They are all very polite and I like to watch them play. It’s just makes a lot of work for me. Cooking for 14 people. Refereeing kids and changing diapers (we currently have three in diapers) plus running up and down the stairs delivering latte’s and food. Then between cleaning up the aftermath and doing all the stuff I didn’t have time to do because I was doing everything else…. I feel like I’m going to explode. The pain is excruciating every time I move. I had the shakes last night and still this morning a little bit.

My house is an utter disaster, the kids are extra naughty today, I’m trying to study for an exam and can’t because I’m up and down the stairs trying to make sure the kids don’t damage one another, and I can’t seem to get things clean. We ran out of dish soap and laundry detergent, I have been 4 days without anti-depressant because I haven’t had time to pick up my prescription and now they need to fax the doctor for a refill. Hubby yelling at the football game because our team is losing, and now there’s another child screaming upstairs.

I feel like screaming, and crying and going back to bed, but I can’t…. There’s things to be done and children to care for. I’m fighting back the tears because it’s just all so much. I know I could ask for help, my my hubby works so hard, I want him to have his weekends to rest and relax. I hate having to ask for help. I just want a clean house, more importantly, the ability to clean it. I look around and the dishes in the sink and the unvacuumed carpet, unwiped counter-tops…. I breaks my heart. My family deserves better.

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