My Domestic Discipline life is anonymous. We don’t tell our friends, and certainly not my husband’s co-workers about our DD lifestyle. However, just because no one knows he spanks me when I break a rule, doesn’t mean there aren’t cultural abnormalities that stand out to the rest of the world and provoke unfavorable reactions from my peers. Anyone who spends time with myself or my husband and talks with us about our relationship can recognize elements of a dom/sub dynamic. These elements on their own are things not common in our society and even frowned upon by some, though each peer group has their own unique view.
My husband seems to be a hero to his peers in many ways, and regularly boasts about the ease of his life at home. Coffee ready when he comes in the door, no “honey-do list”, or complaints about his video game habit (I have quite a gaming habit myself), dinner cooked and kids cared for while he sits and relaxes with little to nothing being asked of him, but the pleasure of his company had by all. His friends respond with “lucky bastard”, or “you’re a dick”…. even,”she’s not here, you don’t have to talk her up.” And he just smiles proudly.
However, my peers don’t respond so positively, in fact their outlook on it is downright negative. I recently attended a playgroup with some the wives of my husbands co-workers, during which a “husband bashing” session commenced. Complaining about how much their husbands don’t do around the house, or complaining about having to get used to doing housework during deployments because their hard working husbands also do dishes and laundry despite having a stay-at-home wife. Adding my two cents; I stated that I always feel guilty when I have to ask my husband to help around the house, because he works so hard, and am usually adamant that he not have to lift a finger. In response I got a lot of eye-rolls, and disgusted expressions. Clearly, my peers found my primitive way of seeing household obligations disturbing.
I came away feeling frustrated. They complain and complain about their husbands lack of motivation, and then complain because their complaints about it aren’t getting them anywhere. So they’re husbands do little to nothing around the house, and when they do help, it’s with an irritable and defensive attitude; they are simply doing it to keep the peace in the home. Yet, when I do respectfully request my husbands help when I need it, he hops up with a happy heart and jumps right in to housecleaning, and child rearing. Is this because my husband is a better man than they’re husbands are? Not likely, they are all good men. However, my husband might just be a happier man….. a man who is built up instead of torn down. Respected instead of required, admired instead of criticized. This is the difference that I see.
So when they roll their eyes at me, I can’t help but think in frustration… “So what YOU’RE doing is working for you then? Because you sure complain a lot for someone who has this all figured out.” In a feminist society women are quick to dismiss a primitive way of thinking, because we are told it’s degrading. I certainly do not feel degraded, I feel loved and secure. I do not participate in the “husband bashing” not only because it’s disrespectful to my husband, but also because I have nothing to bash. I’m truly, and deeply proud of who he is, and everything he does. This is all completely logical to me. However, in the end, I believe it may cost me some potential friendships along the way.