A series of recent events, has me thinking over and over about how we got started with domestic discipline and how I’ve mentored others into the lifestyle. I decided it would be beneficial to compile my experience in one spot. So here it is, for your reading pleasure, the wisdom and teachings of a successful (mostly successful) sub:
Step 1: Basics of the basics…
Get these DVD’s and watch them with your partner…. hang on every. single. word.
Love and Respect, By Emerson Eggrichs
Why this? Because, while this has nothing to do with spanking or rules or timeouts, these are necessary attitudes a couple must have toward each other in order to be successful. She must submit out of respect, and he must discipline out of love.
Step 2: Now comes the DD…
Go to learningDD.com and download the Beginners Packet. Read through it together, and any other piece of literature in there that you may think you could find helpful…. you can never be too educated on your own chosen lifestyle* rule of thumb.
Step 3: The list, the contract, the commitment…
Each of you make a list of what you’d like to get out of domestic discipline. Don’t be shy about it either. Be honest. When you’ve both finished, ask yourselves what the other person can do in the relationship to achieve meeting each other’s needs. Then, put your heads together and write up a contract stating the responsibilities of each person, and then rules for the sub. Proof read it, then sleep on it. Practice it in your head. Are these reasonable goals for us? Once you are both confident your contract is a fair and complete contract (subs: there may be rules and punishments you don’t like and will be challenging, but this isn’t meant to easy. Only, negotiate rules and punishments if they are absolutely unreasonable. HOH’s be fair.) sign it, frame it, hang it in your bedroom.
Step 4: The hard part….
Okay, well… That was easy right? Now what? Now you DO IT!
Subs: Think about how you speak to your Hoh. You should be building him up with every word even if you disagree with him, you must still be respectful. Stay in your role at all times, it’s going to be hard, but you MUST do this in order to be successful.
HOH’s: She broke a rule…. yes you have to punish her and no, you can’t let it slide. Be loving but firm. Don’t skimp on the after care, but get your point across. Stay in your role. You have the final say. The world is on YOUR shoulders, and YOU are the leader. Be the leader when you sleep, eat, bathe, when you have a bad day, good day, feeling lazy, feel energetic… always… be …. the leader.
Okay, folks…. if you’ve made it this far congratulations! You CAN do this. If you’re stuck a long the way. Give it time. This doesn’t come naturally to everyone. Go at your own pace. Good luck!!