For those of us in the Domestic Discipline lifestyle 50 Shades of Grey is a hot topic. I’ve also noticed recently that it’s a hot topic for a lot of my more conservative, more vanilla friends and acquaintances, but for very different reasons. Several of my friends are even boycotting the movie, joining a Facebook page-led movement to prevent the movie from making money, because they view it’s content as domestic violence. I recently polled several people on my Facebook page, asking for personal opinions on the movie. Naturally most of them assumed I was asking because I was deciding whether to go and see it, not knowing my private lifestyle. What I found most interesting, was that the friends who were so strongly against the movie said nothing, but my more open-minded friends who had positive or neutral things to say about the subject, commented in droves. How interesting…
Did they not comment because they thought their opinion was already clear? Or did they not comment because they were unwilling to explain their reasons behind their opinion. Their general consensus was that the movie was violent and sinful according to blogs and articles they’d shared on the subject. But why did they believe the content was violent and sinful, having not watched the movie nor read any of the books? This is an example of what I love to refer to as “Sheep mentality”, or “Black and White Thinking”. They go with what they are told, and see everything in the world as either good, or bad…. there’s nothing in between…. no ‘Grey’ area (pun intended). The idea that a woman would consent to being physically disciplined, and be happy about it, is completely incomprehensible to people who choose to see the world in this way.
Now abusers will always find avenues for abuse, and domestic discipline is one of those avenues… but so is The Bible. So if we are grouping things into one category here…. lets do it right: Domestic Discipline, BDSM, The Holy Bible, Islam, Atheism, Skin Color, Political Disagreements, and Perceived Injustice. What do all those things have in common? They are all “reasons” for people to hurt other people. If someone is the kind of person who is going to hurt and manipulate other people, they are going to hurt and manipulate other people. Is there ever a good reason to hurt another person for the sake of hurting them? Not that I can think of…
So, why then do my sweet friends so readily attack the dark and unknown? I believe it’s because of the corrupt society we live in. These friends of mine are kind, well educated, Christian women who themselves believe in a man’s leadership in the Christian home. But the very idea that a woman would enjoy being spanked, and a man would perform such an act out of love and not anger or sadism… just doesn’t compute. We have reached a point in society where our days and nights are filled with women fighting for “their place” in the world. We no longer remember that since the dawn of human existence, up until just a century or so ago, women had a place. A very special one, where we were valued and protected. But the age of technology has brought with it a communication level never experienced before and for the first time we are able to turn on CNN day or night and be informed about the most horrific things people do to one another at nearly the moment that they happen. As a result mankind has become critically self-aware, and felt the need to try and fix itself. Hippies spread peace and love and protest, politicians spread war and education, black people fought for equal rights with white people in America, and women gave up their role in society and decided to create a brand new one.
We were tired of being abused, tired of standing on the sidelines, and tired of not enjoying the wonderful amenities afforded to men. We wanted to wear pants. Now there have been women for centuries who have strayed from their societal role to take on a new one. Going back in history these women wore pants, and educated themselves, choosing to take the road less traveled. But this was different, because communication united the world in a way that had never happened before. We decided as whole… as a society to leave behind our aprons and our garden club meetings, and exchanged them for pants and voting rights. When we did this, we said we had had enough of our role and the abusive and oppressive men could not hold us down any longer.
This dramatically decreased the amount of women who were statistically abused by their husbands, because women now had the option to be self sufficient in the eyes of society. BUT…. it had a funny side-effect. When we left our role, men left theirs behind too: those men who were not the abusers and oppressors found themselves lost and emasculated as they were no longer needed as they had once been. Now we’re all flitting around together trying to figure who leads the Waltz.
Today women have only grown in their desire to protect themselves and have become increasingly aware of how to do so. This is a wonderful thing, it truly is. No one deserves abuse…. NO ONE. The only problem now is that men have no recourse, no place of authority. We confuse leadership with subjugation, authority with abuse of authority, and consequences and punishments with abuse and torture.
So why do I believe that my sweet friends think that 50 Shades of Grey is sexual violence and abuse? Because they don’t know the difference. We’ve over dramatized, and sensationalized domestic violence to the point where people see it around every corner, and through every front door. Now the road less traveled is to stay at home with children, and be content to do so. Many career women and even some men, view homemakers as lazy, or weak when truly…. it is our natural state, and when done well, is not a job for the weak and lazy! Now if a man dare say he wants his wife to stay home and not work…. he’s controlling and oppressive. Or dare he say he wants his stay at home wife to do the majority of the housework, he’s a big jerk who wants to demean her. Men can’t win in today’ society unless they are either gay or miserable. Now women can’t find a good man, because no man is truly capable of being all that modern women demand of them, it’s just not possible. They’re either too sweet and a push-over, or an arrogant womanizer, or some such other thing. So we have divorces, we affairs, we have a majority of children being raised by single parents…. this is what feminism has gotten us; a giant mess.
I find myself wondering where we will go from here, and what society will look like in 50 or 100 years. Will we find our roles? What kind of society will our sons and daughters, or our grandchildren, be living in? One can only hope mankind will find it’s way.
In the mean time, I’m going to eat popcorn, and watch 50 Shades of Grey, and pray for my friends who only see in black and white.