Dear Sub…. How Warm is Warm Enough?

The age old question: “How do I know my punishments are sufficient? Or, how do I know if it’s too much?”

Answer: By the behavior of your sub. Plain, simple, uncomplicated. Look at her. Are you looking? How does she look back at you? Do you see peace in her eyes? A pleasant smile? Perhaps a gentle “Yes, Sir?” on her lips upon noticing your gaze? You are doing it right.

Or, perhaps she looks down and away when she notices you looking at her. Does she look guilty? Frustrated? At the end of her rope? Defiant, or indignant? Unless her grandmother just died or you just confessed to an affair your sub should not react to you this way. If she does, it means only one thing: Your punishments are not working and something must be done. If this is the case, I’ve compiled a list of do’s and don’t and gentle pointers to help you get into your subs mind and punish her successfully:

  • Each offense warrants a separate punishment…. No, it’s not too harsh she needs it!
  • Spank her until she cries. A punishment should bring any woman with a pulse to tears. Every woman has a different tolerance and what works for them, and you can use the water works as your line, then push slightly beyond that point and that’s may be a good base line stopping point.
  • Then, double up! If bad behavior continues post punishment, double the punishment for the second offense (i.e. if the first was 30 swats with the paddle, the second should be 60).
  • MAINTENANCE paddle her butt when she needs it…. maybe she confesses feeling guilty, frustrated, or anxious even though she hasn’t broken a rule. Perhaps a gentle “Do you need a spanking to make you feel better?”. Then,  spank her until she’s done.
  • Be consistent! If that means you punish her 30x per day, then do it. I guarantee it won’t last long when you do!
  • Use your words! For some subs it take very few words to get through to them, and for others it takes a lecture. Make sure she knows how bad she’s been and how disappointed you are in her. This can make or break a punishment.

Or, finally perhaps the spankings are too harsh? Are you pushing her beyond the level of an appropriate punishment? Most men don’t. Most men don’t punish enough because they fear hurting their wives. If you are reading her ques and communicating with her, odds are you are not over punishing her. But remember UNDER punishing her, can be just as damaging.


3 thoughts on “Dear Sub…. How Warm is Warm Enough?

    • True Cara, but some couples don’t communicate as easily as others and need to learn how to read each other. Some men feel criticized or belittled if their wife just outright says “You aren’t spanking me hard enough”. It can take time to learn, for some people more than others.


  1. Dont forget after care…..This may be as important as the punishment itself. Your Sub needs to know you love and care for them deeply, no matter the offence.

    Liked by 1 person

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