Ever watch I Love Lucy? I watched episode after episode as a child. Growing up being raised by a single mother, I had no concept of what a healthy relationship looked like. But I always thought that Lucy must feel so loved having man to care for her enough to make sure she did the right thing and respected him. Though, at the time I didn’t know what respect really was, and it would take a good many years before I would learn.
Growing up, my mother was never respectful toward men as far as I can recall, and even today I see it in her. She wants a man to take care of her, but affords men no respect and instead expects them to meet her needs (without telling them what those needs are), but is not willing to submit and meet theirs in return. And her most recent visit was proof positive, that she still has no respect for men. She came into to my home, and disrespected my husband. When it came to a parenting issue, she outright said “No, you’re wrong.” Now if we were beating our children, or refusing to feed them or some such thing then yes, she would have a right to say “No, you are wrong.”, but everything else is a grey area. And not reinforcing toddler fits, is something my husband and I both feel very strongly about. My mother reinforces that kind of negative behavior which is why I turned out to be such a whiny spoiled rotten little brat with no idea why people didn’t want to be around me. I thought there was something wrong with me. And now our efforts to save our children from the same horrible experience are met with “No, you’re wrong.”.
Honestly, if my husband had not waited to tell me that she had said this to him until she left, she would have gotten an ear full for sure. I cannot stand her disrespecting me, but she came in to my home and disrespected my husband, my leader, my Head of House. Ummm. NO!! I am so infuriated, and frustrated, and slightly bitter still that I can barely formulate sentences to describe my emotions. My patience with her is running thin.
I have done my best to set firm boundaries with my mother regarding these types of things, but she has no concept of respect nor submission to male authority. She has been abused much of her life, and seems to see the world as being out to get her. Even going to the lengths of accusing me of abusive behavior because she “never knows how I’m going to react [to her].” Further more, she seems to believe that she is entitled to have her needs met by others, almost as if the world must stop turning when she needs it to. Though she has gotten far better over the years, and since I have set boundaries with her. Though she still seems to think, that every time I set a boundary, or give her a response she doesn’t want to hear, that it is the fault of those I surround myself with. Like I’m in a good relationship if I get along with her, but the second I don’t get along with her, then I’ve “changed” and she blames the person I am with or friends that I have for my behavior.
I was wearing my submission cuffs, which I wear much like other subs wear collars, when she came for her visit this last weekend and she inquired about them. She asked “Do I want to know?”, my response was “I don’t know. Do you?”, and she sat down and said “Okay…”. I then asked if she had ever heard of something called Domestic Discipline, and she stood up, put her hands up and said “No, I’m not ready for this.” as if it were something dark and horrible. Now, what I’m afraid will happen is that she’ll read the wrong information and think he beats me bloody with cane in front of the children or something and freak out. When that is not the truth.
The truth is that I ASKED FOR THIS, in fact I BEGGED for this. And he disciplines me because I need it, and he loves me enough to do so. Just like I always believed Ricky did for Lucy. Though I’d like to think I am much better behaved than Lucy was … the stunts that woman pulled, oh my gosh! My mom loves to watch I Love Lucy, and if she can accept that…. why can’t she accept this? Granted of course that it’s just a television show, and domestic discipline is much different in real life, but the concept is the same. Lucy called Ricky “Sir”, and Ricky always told her what she could and could not do, made rules for her, gave her an allowance, and spanked her when she misbehaved. Not because he was an abusive ass, but because he loved her. Sounds like DD to me.